Lazy Money Issue 19

Happy Sunday!

Coming up: The Father's Day gift that broke my brain, why handwritten notes have a 7,500% ROI, and how to build a business McKinsey can't optimize.

The Story

Today’s Father’s Day. My son got me a wallet, which was odd since he doesn’t have any money, nor have I ever seen him leave the house alone (he is 2). My detective skills quickly saw through the ruse and knew it had to have come from my wife. Anyway…

Inside was a handwritten note: "I'm Jake. I made this wallet on Tuesday while listening to Metallica. The leather came from a farm in Tennessee. If it falls apart, email me personally and I'll fix it. -Jake"

I don't even like Metallica. But I've already shown that note to six people today. Not the wallet. The note.

This reminded me of something that happened at Zappos in 1999.

A warehouse worker named Maria got bored. Eight hours a day, shoes into boxes, boxes into trucks. Soul-crushing monotony. So she starts slipping notes into packages. "Dance in these!" "Your feet deserve this!" Doodles of smiley faces. Random stuff.

Three months later, returns drop 23%. Customer lifetime value jumps 41%. People are calling customer service just to say thanks.

CEO Tony Hsieh makes Maria head of Customer Delight. Only metric: make people feel something.

Ten years later, Zappos sells to Amazon for $1.2 billion. Aaaaand it all went sideways.

Amazon immediately brought in McKinsey to "scale" Maria’s genius. Out went heartfelt scribbles, in came sterile templates: “Dear [CUSTOMER_NAME], hope you like your [PRODUCT_NAME]!”

Six months later? Returns up 31%. Revenue tanks.

Turns out you can't automate giving a shit.

Research shows handwritten notes trigger the same neurological response as physical touch. Your brain literally processes them like a hug. We keep handwritten notes for 17 months on average. Printed ones? Trash in 17 seconds.

I'll probably lose the wallet eventually. But I'll keep Jake's note. Because in a world of chatbots and automation, some dude named Jake reminded me there's still a human on the other end.

Makes you think…maybe the opportunity isn't in the algorithm. It's in the ink.

How To Profit

• The Human Touch Fulfillment Center

D2C brands are in a death spiral. They all look the same. Same Shopify templates. Same Facebook ads (thanks hormozi). Same "premium" packaging that screams "I bought this from Alibaba."

They need differentiation. You're going to give it to them.

Build a fulfillment center that adds humanity to every package. Not printed cards - actual human touches. Someone takes a Polaroid of the exact item being shipped. A pressed flower from outside the warehouse. Weird, memorable, impossible to automate.

The brands are already paying $3-5 for packaging that gets thrown away. Charge the same to add something people keep forever.

• Company Constitution As A Product

Every company has the same bullshit mission statement. "Making the world better through innovative solutions." Ugh. Then they wonder why everyone feels dead inside.

Real company culture comes from the weird rules born from near-death experiences. Like how Amazon meetings start with silent reading because Bezos realized executives were bullshitting through presentations they hadn't read.

You're going to help companies codify their weird. Turn their actual DNA into something people can hold.

Not another mission statement. A constitution. The real rules that matter.

Think physical book. Leather-bound. Gold embossed. Plus pocket versions for every employee to carry like revolutionaries carried Mao's little red book. Except useful.

As they grow, companies add amendments. New lessons, new rules, new enemies.

This doubles as a recruiting tool. Candidates read it and either run away or beg to join. Both responses are correct. That sorting alone is worth your price.

• Real Human Reviews-as-a-Service

Google reviews are fake, influencers are cringe, and bots have hijacked the internet. I can’t be the only one desperate for genuine feedback.

Launch a platform where real people film short, unfiltered, 20-second videos reviewing products right out of the box.

• Brands will pay per genuine review to boost credibility on their product pages.

• Reviewers earn discounts, leading to repeat buys.

• Embrace the imperfections—awkward moments, genuine laughter, spontaneous reactions.

Someone build this please, we gotta start living in a world where authenticity isn’t just better—it’s profitable.

The Ace Toolkit

Ace always said, "The best technology is a pen that works."

"The Thank You Economy" by Gary Vaynerchuk - Written in 2011, predicted everything happening now. Chapter 3 dissects why small touches create massive returns.

Felt App – An app revitalizing handwritten communication by combining digital convenience with real pen-and-paper delivery.

StoryWorth - Study their business model. They charge $99/year to email your parents questions, compile the answers into a book.

Remember friend…in a world of algorithms, always be a Jake.

Until next time,

Alex

Founder //LZY MNY CLB